My Darkest Day

It was December…and the worst news of my life shattered me forever…Kimberly was dead!  My beautiful 28 year old daughter had died of the flu.  She had gone to see a doctor on December 13th and died on December 17th, 2014, alone in her apartment.  Kimberly’s dad and I both had spoken with the police officers who had found her.  They were compassionate and gave us the information we were wanting.  Bill then called our travel agent and arranged for us to be on a plane the very same evening flying from Kenya to Arkansas.

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…And then came grief … my daughter died

I collapse to the floor and mourn.  Grief has come to forever intrude on my life.  The hours, days, months, and years pass and yet I do not perceive them, I am stuck in that dreadful moment when I lost you.

Grief, the visitor who never leaves, inserts itself into every aspect of my life.  It shadows me like an impending storm…I feel it.  I hear it.  I see it and it overtakes me.  It dulls every happy moment.  I am ravished by it’s unending depth of sorrow…again…and again, until all I want is to die and end this aching of my heart. Read More

Growing in Grief

The day our daughter passed away…
my breaking heart made this silent request, “Please… My Dear Lord God… please, …bury me with my child! 
It will be more merciful to be buried with her, than trying to go through this life without her.”
But a soft reply echoed back,
“I will be with you.”

I began to think of the happiness my daughter would never know… falling in love, and all the whimsical delights that come with a true first love… her wedding day, and the excitement of watching her bounce down the aisle. I remember how Kimberly, with her arms flared at her sides, had bounced down the aisle of her ‘05 highschool graduation. When she later saw herself on video, she laughed and wondered if she would bounce at her wedding…but now, we will never know. We would then, eventually, have looked forward to her pregnancies and her babies… all Kimberly ever really wanted, from this earthly life, was to be a wife and a mother. Read More